Every few months I feel myself going a bit crazy. I think, geeez, what’s happening with me, a few months ago I was super motivated and in a good head space, but now. Meh. The world seems to be buzzing in and around my head, I’m unable to relax. I’m grouchy, irritable, not present, want to be off in my own world, annoyed with my family, all of that.
Last night Jacob and I talked about this. I had started off well at a certain point of the year and then a month or so ago I fell back off into depression and a lack of motivation. I looked back through my daily journals, my dream journals, my photos, all of it. Then I found the root cause.
In September of 2017, I went off social media. Mostly off of feeds for Facebook and Instagram, i was still documenting my life through photos and my handwritten journals, but the moment to moment updates of everyone’s lives weren’t filling my head with the additional and addictive noise.
Lately I find myself sneaking to the toilet to check Facebook and feel that FOMO effect hitting me hard. The moment that I feel the urge to scroll anything on my phone, I don’t have the willpower to stop. It’s like smoking. As Soon as the thought comes, that action follows.
It’s scary to think that society and things outside of myself has that type of control on me. It’s devastating actually.
I am reminded at these times of my life of when I’ve been able to get rid of unhealthy things in my life. Drinking, smoking, relationships, drugs, television. I know some people that are fine to do things in moderation. But I’m not one. I’m an all or nothing kind of personality. When I was about 17, I stopped drinking. And I stayed sober for over 10 years. Then a few years ago, I stopped drinking again. I’m a better person when something additive is just not in my life at all.
Everything is moderation, right? Yeah nah. Not for this weakly-will-powered soul.
But, of course, this does feed into that now common question, what amount of screen time is appropriate? There are all sorts of studies that I’ve read about children and screen time, but what about for us adults? Are we really able to make that decision for ourselves? As a species, we are intelligent but we are also extremely susceptible to influence. Good old peer pressure! Many of us aren’t to keen to think for ourselves. And even those that do think for themselves had to come to a point in their own lives where they knew they had to make that choice. Just as an addict won’t change unless they are ready to, a digital addict is just the same.
So for now, it might just be me, but I’ll be back off of my feeds for a while. It’s time to have the slow life and a real life being present for my loved ones and my own sanity.